Goodbye Stoffel Dear Friend

October and November have been the darkest days of my life - my beloved friend Stoffel is dead.

Stoffel was almost 25 years old, ancient for a Vervet Monkey which, in the wild, has a lifespan of about 9 to 14 years.

I had long been expecting her passing and tried to mentally prepare myself for this eventually - nothing could ready me for the circumstances and the reality of her death - I am devastated.


Stoffel had always been very healthy and the only times that she was ill was usually with Diarrhoea, caused by the strange things she sometimes ate.

About two weeks after I returned home she suffered from Kidney failure - I had noticed that she was moving with difficulty and becoming incontinent, peeing wherever she was sitting, which was unusual because she was always very clean and hated being grimy or sticky.

One Saturday morning she stopped eating, refusing all food and liquids. She was obviously in pain because she was sitting and lying hunched-up in an unusual position.

I was unable to determine exactly where she was hurting but the signs were that internal organs were shutting-down. The weather was extremely hot and that afternoon, using a small feeding bottle, I started regularly forcing a solution into her mouth because she was dehydrating. I instinctively realised that her end was approaching.

Her illness was age-related and there was not much that could be done - in the oppressive heat I was loath to stress her out by driving 200 km to a Vet familiar with treating Primates. I hoped that she would just pass peacefully but, it was not to be.

By Tuesday she had perked-up a little and, though still refusing any food, she started drinking copious amounts of water on her own.

Disaster struck on Wednesday afternoon when she fell and, probably as a result of Osteoporosis, broke her spine - I found her lying paralysed on the floor like a rag doll. She was trying to drag herself along with her one remaining functional limb, her right arm.

I contacted Axel, the Vet who, so many years ago, had saved her life after her electrical accident. I asked him how long she could survive in her present condition. He did not answer my question and instead replied that my only consideration should be to 'be fair to Stoffel'.


That evening I placed Stoffel next to me on the bed where she squirmed around restlessly, unable to come to terms with the loss of her legs.

My Soul was in turmoil - I was living a Nightmare, facing the most difficult decision of my life.

I don't often consciously Pray but, that night, I prayed for one thing only - Wisdom.

My waking awareness the next morning was crystal-clear, I Knew what my duty was, what I had to do.

Stoffel was lying tucked-up against my side - she was lying still, exhausted and in pain, she had given-up on trying to move. The bedsheets were wet beneath us.

I placed Stoffel on a duvet on the floor, facing the rising Sun and contacted the local Vet - I begged her to come to my house. She must have recognised my anguish and agreed to my request but due to other commitments, could only come late in the afternoon.

I sat with Stoffel throughout the day, feeding her an electrolyte solution, grooming her, talking, singing and weeping over her, desperate to convey my Love.

Stoffel had always been a pretty creature but that day, as she lay on her tummy staring at her hand, slowly opening and closing her fingers, she radiated a serenity such as I had not seen before - she had never looked more beautiful.

The Vet arrived shortly before Sunset.

I buried Stoffel in the Fern Garden in front of one of her favourite windows, together with her Brush, her only worldly possession.


Stoffel's death left me an emotional wreck, my Spirit has been ripped apart and the days following were the most intensely difficult of my entire life - I replayed the events leading up to her death over and over in my head, searching for sticks to beat myself with - was there anything I should or could have done differently?

I saw Stoffel everywhere in her favourite spots and was unable to release her Spirit - "Go Dear Stoffel" I kept saying, "you're Free now, go play" - and each time I would call her back, I could not let go.

I lay naked and quivering like a new-born babe before the Universe, screaming for relief - but the Universe is impartial, indifferent to my pain ... there are no Chosen Ones.

I've realized that my tears are not for Stoffel, she enjoyed a long and healthy life.

My tears are for me - I must live with the inescapable Truth that I, the person she loved and trusted most, ended her life.

Why was I placed in a position where I was forced to take such an awful decision? It seems so unfair.

In anger my mind dwelled much on the God of Abraham, a jealous God who requires Blood Sacrifice as appeasement; a God Omnipotent yet so insecure that He commanded a mere Mortal to slaughter his child in order to prove his love and obedience? - this is not my God - such a malicious Entity was conceived and exists only in the diabolical mind of Man.

I'd always considered it my Sacred, or Cosmic, duty to protect and care for Stoffel, a feeling amplified after the electrical accident in which she lost her left arm and tail. I believe that, in my imperfect way, I discharged that Duty - right until the bitter end.

Everyone I've spoken to, including Doctors and Vets, have assured me that the decision I took was the correct one - but still it hurts ... so badly.

How much worse would her suffering have been had I not been there when she fell ill? Could I have felt even worse than I do now had I not been with her at the end?

Perhaps, in a twisted kind of way, the Universe was merciful ...


Stoffel was never trained to do any 'tricks', she was not regarded as a Pet, she was an integral member of the family - she grew up with my kids and their friends, playing and fighting with them. She was the Little Sister with special needs.

We were her troop, the only family she knew - she was a defining influence and, life decisions were taken with Stoffel's welfare a priority.

When she was a babe, at night she wore new-born baby daipers with a hole in them for her tail, to prevent her from soiling the bed. In the mornings I would wash and dry her bum, just like a baby.

Her body was shaped much like that of a human and, after she lost her tail, this similarity became even more pronounced - she had long slender fingers and toes, with fingerprints, like us.

I was the Alpha Male in her life, the Troop Leader - the only person she ever deferred to.

Stoffel was no Angel - she had a quick and vicious temper and never hesitated to defend her perceived position as No 2 in the troop hierarchy. I was eventually obliged to ask Axel to remove her razor-sharp incisors because her bites were becoming dangerous.

She was mischievous and caused much property damage during her lifetime. Things like superglue and chewing gum were banned from the house - if she bit into a tube of glue it could have had disastrous consequences. Chewing gum was outlawed after she got hold of a piece and, while I was having a nap, she came and lay down against my neck and spat the gum out on my pillow ... when I awoke I had to cut a large chunk out of my hair.

In her later years Stoffel mellowed-out considerably. Though ever quick-tempered she did not bite as readily as she did when she was younger ... she never lost her jealousy though and always became highly agitated if anyone approached me, especially females.

She was madame of the House which was, in fact, built around her - I often had to confine her to one section while I worked on another.

My only regret about Stoffel's life is that she was not able to fulfil her true purpose and become a Mother - I would not allow her to mate as this would have meant more Monkeys in captivity.


Although she shared her Wild attributes with the two other Fur People outside, Tumbili and Lucky, she was also very different - a step ahead of them.

It's difficult for me to adequately describe the magical bond which existed between us without the risk of being thought weird.

We met and interacted in a unique place that was between Human and Monkey.

She was my real Imaginary Friend, a furry visitor from a Parallel Dimension- we experienced Love free from the demands of ego or hope of reward.


I've had a hard time dealing with the loss of Stoffel and I hope that writing this difficult post will be cathartic - that I can move on.

It was a Blessing and a privilege to know and take care of her, the experience has shaped the way I think and who I am - She is in my Identity.

All things must pass.


Goodbye dear Stoffel, we were good Buddies - we were Love




Go now Little Sister, you're Free, go play.


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... in from the Cold.

Hello Friends - I hope you're all well.

I'm back in the (cold) Desert - I've been on-line for a few days but, having been zapped by a bad bout of Flu, I've had no appetite for blogging, or anything else for that matter ... I just want to be warm again - I'm feeling a lot better now but still not quite Human yet ...

Up North, I spent two days in the Etosha Pans with Stretch Moonman but only took a few pics at home:


It was my intention to take advantage of the cooler weather to build-up the wall above the roof of the en suite Bathroom but, I didn't get very far because other opportunities arose when I found a guy to help finish the plumbing in the new kitchen and main bathroom and also do some of the plastering there.


I installed a solar water-heater on the en suite bathroom. The heater holds 85 litres of water - I only got to test it once as I was working on the shower floor at the same time. Although the winter sun was weak, I had a shower well after dark and the water was still hot.


A view of the new kitchen after the plumbing had been completed for a washbasin and washing machine and, the wall had been plastered.

On the left is one of the last remaining walls (white) of the old farmhouse - my next task here is to break down this wall and continue building the new wall, including a passageway through to the house and also a pantry.

All the work has to be done strategically because I need to ensure that Stoffel can't get out and go wandering.


Stoffel sitting at one of her favourite spots where she has a good view of what's going on outside - the marks on the window are from porridge - when she's finished her breakfast she comes to this window to bask in the morning sun and cleans her mouth by wiping it on the window.


Stoffel was not amused when I confined her to the main bedroom while we were working in the house - she showed her displeasure by shredding three rolls of toilet paper ... luckily they were a cheap, one-ply brand.


A noisy Grey Loerie eyes me from an early-blooming Acacia tree.


A hen looking for a place to nest in a rock feature.


Stoffel grooming my leg one evening - she doesn't like me to wear socks or shoes and always tries to take them off when I do ...

I had to wear socks because if my feet get cold, my whole body is cold.


A winter-flowering plant in the garden - I don't know what the name of this plant is - it looks like a succulent.


(Photo Credit: Unknown)

Travelling into the Desert I had the weirdest experience - I'd taken the gravel roads past Bullsport hunting for more rocks (I bagged eight) and the further South I travelled the colder and windier it became.

Shortly after sunset, between Maltahohe and Helmeringhausen, I pulled over to have a P and put a jacket on - when I got out of the heated cab I was struck by a cold wind such as I've never felt before ... I felt like I was in the grip of the claws of Death and after a few seconds I was doubled-up in an icy cramp - I didn't get out of the car again until I reached my destination.

At about 21h00, when I passed Aus, the wind was still howling and it was raining - I couldn't even see the lights of the town - the next morning the ground here was covered in snow as can be seen from the above pic, which I found on-line.

Well, now that I've been able to put a post together, I feel better already ... thanks.

This , That and Away

Tomorrow I'm heading North again for a few weeks to do some work on the House - I feel a sense of urgency to get as much of the heavy work done while I still enjoy relatively good health.

I'm unfit though, having pigged-out in front of computer and TV for the last month - I'm looking forward to a week of aching muscles ... :)

Watching worldwide events unfolding on TV has reinforced my belief that Global Chaos on an unprecedented scale is not only inevitable but, looming imminent.

With this in mind, a main priority is to finance and install a Solar-Powered pump on the borehole which would guarantee an independent Water source.

On a lighter note, a few random pics which I hope you'll like:


Grass like Snow.


A touring Motorcyclist on a remote gravel road - what's interesting about this guy is that he has a camera mounted on his helmet, allowing him to take pics all the time - how cool is that?


The Fur People alerted me to this Helmeted Terrapin near their cage - I was surprised to find it so far from water but, I've since heard that they're sometimes found in the most unlikely, inhospitable places.


Quiver tree - Aloe dichotoma


A bird perched on an island in a sea of grass.





Two Dung Beetles vie for possession of the Ball.








This pic was taken from a moving car - a Woman in the middle of nowhere, carrying her possessions on her head.

Most rural African Women learn, from a young age, how to balance and transport sometimes unbelievably heavy loads on their heads for long distances.

The only thing I've ever seen a Man carry on his head is a hat.

I have no TV at home and don't feel confident about my Internet connection - I hope to be able to post occasionally but, even at best, my time on-line will be limited.

Keep well hey.



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Half Bach

Hello Friends - well, I'm bach from Cape Town but tomorrow I'm heading to my home in the North for a month.

I haven't had time to edit the thousands of pictures I took but here are a quick selection:


A Lego-type man built with empty Coca Cola crates at the Waterfront in the City - the ever stunning Table Mountain in the background.


The view from my seventh-storey hotel room overlooking the Waterfront, the infamous Robben Island in the background to the left of the wheel.

I usually stay with relatives and it felt quite strange sleeping so high up in the sky - kind of reminded me of the Cave I mentioned in my 'Six Stoned Sisters' post.


After I'd had my camera cleaned and repaired I bought a whole-day ticket on the open-topped City Tours Buses and spent about six hours being a Paparazzi Tourist


A view up one city street - many Cape Town roads are very narrow and I was left with a feeling of admiration for the bus drivers who navigate these streets for ten hours a day.


I saw quite a few Dreadlocked guys travelling the streets on Skateboards, zipping in and out of the traffic.


A view of the City from the Cable station on the side of Table Mountain - there were hordes of tourists waiting to go to the top of the mountain so I just wandered around a bit before catching another bus.


Camps Bay beach - the weather was great and there were quite a few people enjoying the sunshine.


I spent quite a bit of time at the Waterfront, resisting the temptation to spend too much money on things I like but don't really need - I did splurge on two long-sleeved Hemp shirts which should last for a couple of years.

Here a group of Drummers perform for the passing crowd.


Another view at the Waterfront.


After three days I'd had enough and was glad to hit the road North again.

Tomorrow I head home and the half-good news is that I've been given a device which will hopefully boost my Netman signal and allow me to blog from home - so, if it works you'll hear from me again soon, if not, I'll see you at the end of May.

Take care of yourselves hey ... :)

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Cape Town Here I Come ...

Tomorrow I leave for Cape Town - I don't like cities much and Cape Town is the only one that I can handle for a few days. In fact, I'm quite looking forward to the buzz.


I need to breathe the sea air again and eat as much fresh fish as I can - Mariner's Wharf in Hout Bay will be one place I'll be sure to visit.


Also on my agenda is the Kistenbosch Botanical Gardens, a place I always try to visit whenever I'm in Cape Town ... green, green, green ...


Before I leave though, take a look at these Desert Flowers.


When I arrived in the Desert last month, it rained lightly one night - four days later dozens of these plants suddenly appeared in the otherwise arid landscape.


What I find interesting is that, in some specimens, there are both white and pink flowers on the same plant.


About four days after flowering, all the plants died-back and disappeared. It was also amazing that these were the only plants which reacted to the one-night rainfall ...

When I return from Cape Town I'll only be in the desert for 4 days before leaving for my home - I hope to have good news regarding my internet connection and also to get a post in before I head North ...

Take care friends.


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Strange Days Indeed

Whew! ... it feels like I've been off-line forever and have to learn how to operate the Internet all over again ...

Hello Friends - I hope that you're all well and happy. I'm OK, just a bit disorientated after a long journey and I haven't had the chance to catch up yet.

Here's what I've been up to the last two months:


When I left the Desert in January the rain season was in full swing and the further north I travelled the wetter it became.

The weather has been fantastic - I even heard one farmer complain, (not too loudly though), that it was a bit too much rain ...


Shortly after I arrived home I was visited by two lovely ladies from Holland - Eva on the left and Mana right. Mana is the daughter of an old friend and they stayed two nights before heading on to the Etosha Pans.


On a trip to Tsinsabis, 30km to the North of me I photographed these kids, (probably siblings), wading through a pool of water - they could have stayed dry by crossing over the bridge but it seemed more fun to go through the water.


Love Triangle - They stopped to pose for some pics - the little guy in front looked so serious, he never smiled once ... what an old, wise face he has hey?


Two women sell mushrooms along the side of the road.

This was the best Omahova season ever - because the atmospheric conditions must be just right for them to appear, the mushrooms are usually only available for about a week but, this year, I found people selling them for almost a month.


Four young guys selling their Omahova.

My buddy Stretch visited for a few days and we feasted on the mushrooms for two nights - by this time Stretch was literally 'fed-up' because he'd eaten them for five nights in a row ...


It was only after I arrived home that the realisation that Spirit was not there really sunk in - a few times I caught myself calling at the spot where he had made a nest in the long grass ... it's a good thing for venomous snakes that I encountered none of their kind during this time.

... I miss his youth and playfulness - the other two cats are old farts and no fun - I was stunned when I watched a confused little pointy-nosed mouse run around in front of them and neither batted an eyelid ...

... perhaps I feed them too much.


I had no building action-plan when I arrived home ... I had a vague idea what I wanted to do and when I started working all seemed confused, I was frustrated by the apparent lack of progress - it was only as I was about to leave that everything came together and, looking back, I'm satisfied (and slightly surprised) with what I achieved.

I installed a roof over the shower/toilet and cut it to size so that I can build the outer walls up further; did the plumbing, installed the throne and window panes, and had the walls plastered.

I also knocked down and rebuilt the inner walls for the adjoining main bedroom, had it plastered and installed a ceiling and lights - this whole section of the house is almost complete now.

When I started working I was full of fears and doubts but I managed to muddle through them and in the end learned two new skills: plumbing and how to install a hanging ceiling.


Stoffel seems to approve of her new expanded living space.

Here she is putting her brush into her mouth in order to bring it to me so that I can groom her ... she carries things in her mouth because she only has one arm, which she needs to move around with.

There's nothing in the world that Stoffel likes more than being brushed and, if I'd let her, she'd lie stretched-out on my lap for hours while I groom her.


During the whole time at home I hadn't seen the pair of Damara Dik-diks which had been regular visitors during the winter - I thought that the reason was that there was ample food available.

On the afternoon before I left for the desert I spotted them on the edge of the bush. I grabbed my camera but they bolted as I approached and I only managed this fuzzy shot of one of them jumping a low fence.

Later, after the sun had set and I'd put my camera away, I was packing the car and looked up to see them grazing peacefully in the twilight, not more than 20 meters from me ...


Well that's about it - It was an unsettled period for me, I had a lot of pain in my back and much of the time I was uptight and restless, as if I had a mental itch that couldn't be scratched ... hopefully the desert will enable me to regain some sort of balance ...



Lovely to see you again my friend.
Walk along with me to the next bend.

Tells us what you've seen in faraway forgotten lands.
Where empires have turned back to sand.


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